Today just seemed one of those days that everything that could go bad did and everything that could go good did and as I am sitting here I realize that I need to plunge in with this blog thing. I feel the need to record just for myself this crazy ass adventure that I am on.

This is fair warning that I do intend this to be somewhat no holds bar account of what is happening. I was never that person, I think I would have been happy with me and the cancer cloud living by ourselves under a table somewhere, but the first lesson cancer will smack you with is that you need your family and they need their family and friends become little parts of everyone’s family so they all get squished in there and you have this giant group of people that are going to assist in the ass kicking of the evil cloud and ensuring your fridge is stocked. The cancer patients’ only real job is trying to avoid throwing up on someone’s shoes.

So here is a little bit about my day. One of the things they never tell you about brain cancer is how much it affects your mind. I was never ready for this part. So at 3:30 I wake up furious at every single person in the world (really 3:30 last night I hated every single person), Decide to go for the anti anxiety pill and manage to sleep until 6 which is almost a record for me. Unfortunately my well thought out plan to do physio turns into a better plan to watch some old Simpsons and get a haircut (which I still have but it falls out all the time, I keep threatening to shave my head but my mom is against the idea) current hair is Monica Gellar around 94.

The rest of physio went well, small victories are the ones that count, for the last two days I have been able to stand without help and it only took me a few days from walking my room to getting around the floor. Also was able to spend about 20 minutes on a bike. Whenever Of course by this time I am so exhausted my energy for the day is gone, but it was a good hour.

Today also happens to be the release day of Sarah Harmer new cd. Since I always get her CD on release date Kerrie goes out to get me a copy. And this is where the brain cancer does it's dirty work. First all the regular arm side pain is back, could have been the over exercising but it still doesn't work. The next thing is I can't transfer the cd to my mp3 player and I just lose it. The pain, the cd, how no one is listing to me I can't figure anything out. So I sit and bawl for awhile. Luckily Steph and Aaron come in to snap me out of the funk for awhile. They all take off around the same time along with my mom and sister so I doubt they even make it to the parking lot before inside shit is hitting the fan.

The whole story starts with my mortal enemy at the moment (other than the cancer of course) my feeding tube. As soon as they leave I get hit by a wave of unbelievable pain at the entrance site probably some of the worse pain I have ever had so far. She starts with the drugs, morphine, tylenol, anti anxiety more morphine plus at some point some gravel appears. She also offers to stay with me even though her shift is up. I decline and tough it out, as much as whimpering in the fetal position with my one tough chick hat is toughing it out. Thankfully the large amounts of drugs know me out completely at one point. I finally wake up at 9pm high as a kite but no pain, got to love morphine.

So hopefully this becomes the first post of many into the crazy world of my brain tumour, the plan is to go back and explain parts from the start, but what do I know I’m still high.